Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Gods timing

So, on 3-17-12 we were overwhelmed with joy after realizing that we were going to be parents again... How soon it came tumbling down. While I am kind of hurt, a little confused, even a little discouraged at times, we remember that everything is in Gods timing and not ours. I noticed the beginning signs of a miscarriage saturday afternoon. Was rushed to the Emergency room. Then bedrest to follow. Day 2, same symptoms hoping and praying its not the end, Day 3, Doubled over in pain in the middle of the night. Day 4, Another Dr visit which lands us in the emergency room to wait for hours with no end in sight. Day 5 (morning) I knew that our newest addition went to be with big brother Cayden. While i was in denial, i knew while i prayed that it was already done. Still, i took all the necessary test, ultrasounds, and made yet another visit to my Dr. (who by the way i would absolutely reccomend to anyone; he was absolutely WONDERFUL). Somehow i thought i would feel much worse about all of this. I wasnt sure if it was because I was numb, If it hadn't quite sunk in, If maybe I had been through much worse and this just wasn't quite as bad... Maybe a little of all of these... Mostly I feel like God gives us peace in our time of need. While i am writing this i am listening to Kari Jobe sing about Gods love that never fails and his arms that never close. That in itself is the most encouraging thing I believe i have ever heard. Through the hurt and confusion, I have never been at a dead end. God has never left my side. I KNOW that David and I will have more children. I KNOW THIS. God gives us what we need and EXACTLY when we need it.